My Dad is not my REAL Dad.

Yeah, I was shocked too. I was pretty upset for a lot of reasons, and the funny thing is I was mostly upset because I was ashamed of being born out of wedlock. My mom had S.E.X. willy-nilly (ew, bad pun) with a man she was dating and NOT married to, and I was conceived?! My raised-devoutly-Catholic-by-my-Grandma self couldn't stomach the idea of being illegitimate. Oh, The Shame in the eyes of God! I think my Mom was mostly surprised at my distain for her amoral behavior...

It's so funny to think about now, considering I had wayyy more sex before marriage than my Mom could have ever had.

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I would be terribly, terribly remiss if I didn't mention what a crazy/good time I had last Saturday night! After spending most of the past year hiding out with the new hubby, we decided to go see a rock show at our favorite club. A band comprised of many bands I'm good friends with was playing (um, does that make sense?), and it was totally like old home week! People came out of the freakin' woodwork to come to the show, so I ran into tons of old friends I hadn't seen in ages. It felt so good to hang out with 'em. And...I can't believe this, but I ran into J.K. The whole meeting was incredibly surreal. I came up to my friend D.M. to say hi, and this averagely attractive, clean-cut blonde guy was talking to him. I apologized for interrupting. He asked my name and held out his hand for an introduction. Then it hit me: I've been in bed with this man. About five years ago. In another city. And as I write this, I honestly can't even remember if we had sex, or if we just kind of messed around. Crap. What I do know is that at one time, I thought J.K. was going to be the new love of my life, but it was sadly not to be. I said to him, "I think we've already met," with an expectant smile on my face. My friend D.M. spoke up. "It's squarepants..." And then it dawned on him. "Squarepants?? Squarepants, Squarepants?!! Oh my god!!" He gave me a massive hug. I was feeling kind of dizzy and light-headed. He asked me a hundred questions about what I'd been doing for the past five years, and what I was doing in Chicago. I gave him a quick rundown, ending with the news that I'd gotten married. I am (mixed-feelingly) sad/disappointed/confused that I felt a little reluctant to mention that last part, and I haven't stopped thinking about the whole thing. What the hell kind of wife am I??? Is it normal to feel this way? I mean, how can I still feel something akin to that crush-y excitement from the old days when I think about J.K.? I have looked at it from many, many angles, and while I know I would never, never, ever DO anything with J.K., I am very creeped out by my own feelings right now.

I think it will pass, but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better about it.

J.K. wants to get together and catch up, since we live in the same neighborhood and all. He gave me his number, and mentioned that he'd love to meet the husband. So his intentions are good.

I'm going to wait awhile before calling him back, if I ever do.