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May.07.01 I'm having baby-fever again. Today I was in line at the post office, and this lady told her little boy to hold her place in line while she talked to another postal worker. He was about 6 or 7, and he was really cute. He was a good kid too. When he called to his mom who was a few feet away, I imagined what it would be like for some kid to call me Mom. I think the baby-fever comes from these weird (actually physical) symptoms I've been having: I'm tired a lot, sometimes nauseous, just feeling run-down. Thing is, I've taken TWO pregnancy tests just to be absolutely sure, and they've both come out negative. I think I'm just tired, and maybe I am drinking too much coffee, and that's what's really making me feel funny. I have to get my body and my brain working together here--I have a PLAN, for god's sake! First: Buy house. Second: Go to Japan and London and Paris. And maybe Amsterdam. Third: Have kid(s). C. and I both agree that this is how we'd like to do it. We want to be established in a home of our own, and we want to see some other countries before we're tied down for a few years with little babies. I don't want to have any regrets--I want to be totally ready. Of course, I know that these things don't often come out the way you plan them, and if I somehow get pregnant before then, you can bet your ass I'll be super-happy. But I'm on the pill, and I have been since about 1992. I don't think I'm gonna get pregnant 'til I get off that damn pill. My body and my hormones and my (e-gad) biological clock want me to get off the pill NOW, have babies NOW, but my brain knows that I'm not ready. I want to try for the right time. I want to be more prepared. Oh hell. Will I ever be prepared?
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