May.08.01

Sometimes I'm pretty amazed at how long I've been involved in music, without having played any. Well, I was in a band for about a week once. I was the drummer, and I sucked. But oh, how I loved playing those drums! They were so noisy and raucous! Sure, I only knew, like, three real drum beats...but I had heart. The guys who asked me to play with them were so excited when I said yes, even when I told them I knew basically NOTHING about playing. It didn't take them long to realize just how much nothing I knew, and we broke up pretty quickly. We did write about 1 1/2 songs, and I liked them, but it was really going nowhere. All we ever did was fiddle around for awhile and then get drunk. We couldn't even come up with a name, for god's sake! Most of us wanted to go with a one-word, emo-sounding type of name, and this one guy kept insisting that it should be "The...somethings, or The...somebodys," but he could never decide what something or somebody he wanted. Silly. Anyway, I was sad that the band didn't work out, but then again, I don't know if I really have what it takes to be a "real" musician. I'm okay with that now. I am super-super good at being a fan.

I have filled pretty much every capacity of fan-dom there is. When I could, I offered my home/apartment/etc. to bands touring through my town. They were mostly really, really nice folks, and it was fun to actually get to know some of the people who made the music I liked.

I had a radio show for a short while, but the wattage for the station couldn't even power a lightbulb, so I don't know if this counts.

I also worked in a independent used record store for 4 years. It was/is a great record store. I still miss working there sometimes, because the regular customers were like a huge group of friends and we used to have lots of bands play in the store. It was a good feeling to know that I could help spread the word about these bands no one had heard of, and help them sell some more records. Or to have a band play in the store so they could get better exposure was great too. It was fun, and I realize now that while the money was piss-poor, it was a pretty sweet deal. The hours were good, we got tons of free records, and we used to get on guest lists for all the good shows. The owner still asks me periodically to move back and work in the store. If it was an option, I would, but it's just not. It would be like going back to college just because you miss the life...

When I moved to Chicago, I got a job at the only record label I really loved and respected. I figured it was the ultimate sign of my support of the bands, to work really hard just for them, so they could write good songs and put out good records. The record label was okay, but in the end it just wasn't for me.

So now I'm a typical, joe-on-the-street fan. I've never really been one before. I kind of like being in the background for once, actually. I can show my support by paying for my records, and paying my way into shows like a normal person. It's still supporting the bands, but now it's in a more anonymous, less-demanding kind of way.

Man, I love music. I don't think I will ever feel any other way.

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