Dear Islamic clerics,

Please do hand over Osama bin Laden. I heard you're considering it. I hope that you decide to do it, because I'm really, really, really scared of war. I don't want to see my husband and good friends drafted to fight. I don't want to see innocents from your country killed either. Please work with us if you can.

Thank you,

Ms.Squarepants

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Dear America,

You're scaring me with your blindly repetitious jingoism. Screaming for revenge, waving the flag, and writing "God Bless America" on everything is not going to fix anything. Ever consider why these people attacked us? If you look below the surface, you might see that there is more to this than just an "act of faceless cowardice," as our president called it. We need to do our homework and act very, very carefully.

Love and best of luck,

Squarepants

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Dear TV,

Could you please take it easy on the scary footage? I think everyone has seen it by now. Just the facts, please. And it wouldn't hurt to have a little teeny bit of entertainment on there once in awhile to provide a bit of escape from the problems of the day.

Best,

Ms. S.