Oct.16.01

It occured to me last night/this morning that what I really wish I could do is make a documentary. At first, I thought it might be good to do like a "This American Life"-style radio program, but now I think it would make a better audio and visual thing.

I got the idea last night when I heard C. talking to our friend R.F., who lives in NYC. I heard C. say something I've heard him say before, but this time it struck me. He said to R.F.: "Before this year, I used to think of us (our circle of friends) as invincible, that we could do anything and we'd live forever. Now I realize that it's not true."

So I would interview my friends. Nearly all of them have had some kind of earth-shattering thing experience (some more than one) in the past year. I would ask them:

-- How did they feel as a youngster/teenager about life? Did they have the feelings of invincibility many teens have? If not, why do they think they didn't? If so, what was the moment when they finally realized they were not going to live forever, that they were not impervious?

-- Can they define what it was about their life that changed when their particular incident(s) occured? What literal changes? What figurative changes?

-- (for A.M.:)How do you feel you've changed in this turbulent year--getting married to the love of your life, losing your father and a friend, as well as having an abortion? Do you feel as if you're completely different than you were before all of this happened? Do you feel sad all/most of the time? Do you feel stronger or weaker? How do you feel you've dealt with all of the sad things that have happened? Do you think your friends have helped you very much with dealing with your grief? Do you believe in an afterlife? How do you feel about death? In light of all that's happened, are there things you look forward to?

Oh, I'm just realizing how big this is. What I've written so far is really just the tip of the iceberg. I have so many mental loose ends. I can never think of the right words or questions at the time... I don't imagine I'll ever really get this out there to the masses via radio or film, but I can put it in here. It will help just to write it down. I plan to make it a work in progress.

Right now, my back hurts and I'm hungry.

Later.

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