Words cannot express how thankful I am that you all took the time to send me some good thoughts. A lot of stuff has happened, and I'm sorry for not letting you all in on it sooner.

I've had two (false-alarm) cancer scares in the last couple of months. The most recent one popped up at the time of my last entry. I found a lump in my neck (or throat, I still can't decide how to say it) that made me look like I had an adam's apple. When I first saw it, I wasn't even sure if I didn't always have it. But then I came to my senses and realized that women don't have adam's apples, so it must be something else. My first thought? Cancer. Again.

I was scared shitless.

So I made an emergency call to my new doc, and the next day I went to see her. She felt around and said it was definitely my thyroid, but she couldn't tell me if it was cancer or some kind of hyper- or hypo-thyroid thing. So off to CAT scan land I went.

In the meantime, I broke down and called my mom. Yes, I needed my mommy, and I am not ashamed to say so. She dropped everything and got on a plane to be with me two days after I called. Do I even have to say how lucky and blessed (or whatever you want to call it) I am? I know, believe me.

The CAT scan showed that...well...I have a very un-glamorous, un-dramatic problem. You aren't going to hear about this one in a movie starring Winona Ryder and co-starring Matthew Perry as the love interest.

I have a goiter.

Know what I would have said to that when I was in high school?

I would have said, "EWWWW!"

But well, that is what I have. It's a small goiter, and I don't plan to let it get any bigger, but there it is. It was most likely caused by pregnancy. I'm not too clear on the details, but it pretty much messes with your hormones and makes your thyroid act all crazy. Man, when I said that pregnancy really turns your body all inside-out and upside-down and shit, I really had no idea. I didn't even know that people still got goiters. I mean, doesn't eating iodized salt take care of that?! Apparently not.

And I'm not alone! I have met a couple of other mamas who had this problem. Bizarre.

At any rate, some of the things that can happen when you have thyroid trouble: You get mood swings kind of like when you have PMS. Also, you feel more tired. I feel pretty emotionally unstable. Sometimes I really haven't thought I could cope, but it was so much better with my mom around. And soon things will be back to normal. I am seeing some docs about my (ugh) goiter, and all should be well soon.

Sorry if I scared y'all. I was just feeling pretty lost for awhile there.

Thanks again, all of you!

++++++++++

On another, happier note, E. turned six months old last Friday. He's half a year old! Wow. He's so amazing--he can sit up by himself now, and he's very close to starting solid foods. Believe it or not, he's still teething, and according to the doctor, it will probably be some time before he finally has teeth, poor kid. He still doesn't sleep through the night at all, but C. and I have learned to deal with it. I never thought I would be able to function so well on so little sleep. And I certainly never thought I would be okay with that!

But anyway, things are getting a little better every day. I am really starting to learn how just feeling "normal" is a blessing in itself. For a long time, I felt like I was entitled to "normal," but now I realize that isn't the case.

Yeah! So. And how are you?