All I can do is lie there, a million thoughts hopping around like they're putting on a production of "Lord of the Dance" (minus that creepy Michael Flatley, thank goodness) right inside my skull. Tappa-tappa-tappa!

C. got a wild hair and decided to book us on a trip to The Great Northwest at the end of this month. I have no idea why I agreed to such a thing. The list of things to do before we go is so huge, my mind is reeling.

I mean, who the hell is going to feed our cat?

I don't even wanna think about the list of gear I'm going to have to pack for E. Hoo boy.

Have I mentioned that since my diary has become lower on the priority totem-pole, I have been "writing" diary entries in my head and then forgetting to actually sit down and type them out? It's true. Sad but true. I miss the days when I had so much time to sit and type and type about any old thing.

Nowadays, I have plenty of time to think, but not much time to do. Oh, the ideas I have! And I can't do a thing about 'em.

Some of my best thinking is done while I'm rocking E. to sleep. Something about that rocking chair just brings out the deep thinker in me. I've heard that rocking is good for brain development in babies, but I wonder if that's true of adults too?

Y'know something else?

I feel some kind of change coming. Nothing obvious to the naked eye, but more of an interior thing. I'm working on some things in my head lately. I know that this is a simplistic way of putting it, but I want to be a better person. I want to get angry less, I want to get upset less and be bothered less. I still want to be passionate about things, and be angry at the proper times. I want to call people on their bullshit if it's needed, but I want to get rid of the reactions that are just selfish and unnecessary. Does that make sense?

Of course, it's easier said than done. It's not like I can take some magic pill and suddenly be exactly the way I want to be.

I want to be truly content with what I have and I want to be happy with my life as it is. What more do I need? I mean, really?

And you never know when things will change, when you might look back and say, "Why didn't I just appreciate what I had back then?"

I don't want regret. Regret is for suckers.