++++++++++++++

I forgot to mention this before. While we were on our trip, we found out that A.M.'s dad died. I felt/feel so idescribably crushed and sad about it. When we got together just before I left town, she was talking about how she was going back to Holland to be with dad and help mom, because dad was going to have heart surgery. From what I've gathered, he had some kind of emergency and had to have the surgery early. A.M. and A. rushed to the airport, but they were too late. Her dad died before they could get there. That is the saddest thing.

When I saw her on Monday, she was doing okay, but I could tell she was about as fragile as an eggshell. At one point, we were standing in the kitchen and she was holding a cup of tea. She was shaking. Shaking. I thought I was going to die of sadness. I hugged her while she fought crying.

Neither I nor any of my friends have had a parent die, until now. A.M. was the first. How to deal with this?

I know I will be a wreck when my parents die. Especially my Mom. C.'s parents are really old, and they will probably die first. As shameful as this is to admit, I am scared for the time when C.'s parents die, (not only because I will be really, really sad, but) because it is always so much worse when C. is sad than when I'm sad. He is just so rarely depressed, that it's hard to know what to do with him when he is.

I suppose I shouldn't think about this stuff too much, because it will happen someday soon enough, and when it does, I won't have much choice *but* to deal with it. ++++++++++++++++++++ Probably no one will actually do this, but if you want to hear a good band, I recommend International Airport.