Hoo boy, what a week I've had. An innocent call to my Girl-Parts Doctor (what normal people call an OB/GYN) turned me into a total nervous mess. I just wanted to make sure it was okay if I missed a monthly you-know-what. Then I told her I took two pregnancy tests, and both were negative, so I must be okay, right? Well, she goes into how I should get a blood pregnancy test, just to be sure. That sent me into the hysterics. Monday night I worried so much I made myself sick, and I couldn't sleep for more than an hour or two all night. I missed work the next day (Tuesday), but I did get my blood drawn for the test. Of course, the nurse says, "The results will be ready tomorrow. We'll call you."

I'm thinking: TOMORROW? I need to know NOW! I'm all freaked out here, you know? If the test comes up positive, it would be cool. Really cool. But it will mess up all these plans C. and I have made--buy a house, go to Europe, etc. How can spend all day tomorrow working and acting normal, knowing that I will soon find out if my life will be turned upside-down or not??

But somehow I made it through. Don't ask me how, because I barely remember most of the day. I just walked around with a mask over my worry, waiting for the moment when I would be set free to go check my messages.

When I got home, there was no message. Not able to wait any longer, I called. The receptionist informed me that the results were in, and that my doctor would call me in a few minutes to discuss the results. The receptionist gave no clue whatsoever whether the test was positive or negative. Believe me, I listened hard.

C. called right after that. I apologetically shooed him off the phone. He was on pins and needles all day too, after all.

And see, I knew this. I knew it, but...well...the doctor made me doubt. And unfortunately, she made me feel a little hopeful too.

So I am not pregnant, and that's good, but I feel disappointed.

I told C. how I felt when he got home. We discussed the possibility of pushing the trying time to December-ish, instead of April 2002. A compromise. He was very cool about it. He is ready to have a kid. We'll start trying on Christmas Day. He's going to tie a ribbon 'round the weenie, and it'll be my present! Yay!

Okay, I know I just got a bit too graphic there. But Yay! anyway!