We had an out-of-town guest stay over last night, and this morning he and E. and I had breakfast at a place neither of us had been in a long time. It was so great, even though eating out with E. is a lot of work. We got back to the house around 11:30, and our guest took off. E. went right down for his nap, so I got an immediate two-hour break. Ahhhh.

When E. woke up, it was as if he suddenly decided that Trouble was his middle name and got into everything that he shouldn't. I tell you, there is not enough babyproofing in the world to fix the things he gets into. So we're resigned to (I laugh at this word) "discipline", and of course it feels like it's useless. How does one explain to at 14-month-old that certain things just can't be played with? It's a joke. I keep trying, but I am not sure why.

So I put up with this for two hours and then suddenly it seemed like he was just losing it. He was crying and being wild. I tried to entertain him. Didn't work. I tried to feed him. Didn't work. So I did the only thing I could think of--I put him back in his crib. And he got quiet and happy, playing with his stuffed pig and his blanket. Next thing I knew, an hour had passed and he was asleep. I felt guilty for letting him go for so long, but I didn't know what else to do and I was fed up.

So he slept. He woke up in just as bad of a mood as he was in before, and I did my best to keep him happy. It worked, oh, maybe 30% of the time. The rest of the time, he was tearing shit up and/or fussing. I can only take so much, you know? I put him in front of the TV and took my laptop and moved to the next room, where I can see him but I'm out of the immediate area.

Ugh, I feel terrible, but I also feel relieved. I don't feel like a good mom today. But I also don't feel like I care today. My fuse is short and I'm just glad I held my temper enough to not take it out on him. I don't know if he's feeding off of me, or I'm feeding off of him, but we are both having a bad day.