Dec.23.02

Greetings from the land of the sleepless. C. and I have been dragging our asses around for the last 9 weeks, waiting and praying for the baby to finally get around to sleeping for more than two hours at a stretch. Seems that the only time it happens these days is during the day, when neither of us feels like napping and can only think of things we'd like to get done while he's down.

I'm so tired. And I find myself insanely jealous of just about everyone I meet, knowing that they probably got a full night's sleep.

And it's starting to get frustrating to even talk to other parents about it--it feels like everyone else's baby is sleeping 6, 8, even 12 hours a night. I'm starting to feel as if it's somehow because I'm not a good parent or something, because apparently by two months, your kid should be sleeping like an angel.

Ever hear of something called attachment parenting? Well, I believe in it, I think it's great and I am trying my best to do it, but right now, it's a lot of work. I'm finding that I can do it...well, mostly. I am starting to fear that I will never sleep through the night again. But, being the stubborn Irish girl that I am, the last thing I want is for someone to tell me that I'm doing this wrong, or that I am stupid for trying this. So I'm stuck. Is it pride that is keeping me going? Or am I really doing the right thing?

I very much want to just do the right thing for him. How could plunking him in the crib and letting him cry be the right thing? I just don't know.

And then there are nights like this one. It's 4AM and he hasn't slept at all tonight.

We need help.

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