Ours turned out so perfect, it was amazing.

When I woke up on xmas morning, it was snowing. It hadn't snowed in ages here in Chicago, but that morning (and most of the day) it snowed these big, fat, fluffy flakes. They fell in slow-motion, just like on TV.

We opened gifts, and for once, the white elephants were hard to find. The only one I can think of right now was this creepy homemade kitten blanket my aunt made. Other than that, C. and I got good stuff from our families: America, The Book, a DVD copy of the film City of Lost Children, a DVD copy of a documentary about Andy Goldsworthy (one of my favorite artists), new towels, an exercise ball...

E. got tons of new stuff. The star of the show, though, was the train table we got him. We managed to find a really great, blessedly non-name-brand train table with track and people and trains and trees and all the other trimmings for--get this--under $50! Brand-new!

Anyway, we had a nice xmas afternoon, playing with our toys and just enjoying each other's company. In the late afternoon, I continued with preparations for a real xmas dinner "like Mom used to make." We had roast chicken instead, because a turkey for 2.5 people is just way to much food. But we had gravy (my first try and it came out great), garlic mashed potatoes, steamed asparagus, homemade stuffing, corn, cranberry salad (damn, I love that stuff), and apple crunch with cinnamon ice cream for dessert. C. made an appropriate amount of fuss over how good everything was. I was so proud of myself for actually doing a real xmas dinner for the first time ever. And it was yummy! I feel like I've passed one of the big tests of traditional motherhood, heh.

Oh, and C. got me The Sims 2. I have been wanting to try that game for years. I started playing it yesterday and it totally consumed me! While my real house was getting dirty and cluttered and my real child ran around feeling ignored, my Sim house was clean and well-appointed. My Sim people were well-fed and happy. Oy, I have to be careful with this one. It's addictive.

Wanna know a secret? C. and I...might be trying to have another baby. The reason I say "might" is that after, ahem, trying once, it suddenly occured to me that I hadn't thought this through completely. Y'see, there's the little matter of my thyroid problem.

I know I've mentioned it before that every six months I have to go and have my thyroid biopsied because of a couple of abnormal nodules (aka a goiter). Because I have a history of cancer, they have to do biopsies very frequently to make sure that there are no cancerous cells. It involves needles in my neck, and it fucking hurts and is very traumatic. Every time I go for one of these things, my doc reminds me that at any point, I could stop this biopsy train by having my thyroid removed. At first, I was horrified by the prospect, but now, after several biopsies, I'm starting to rethink my stance. Maybe I do want my thyroid out. But I have a billion questions, so I need to do some homework. And I suck at homework. So...the question is, do I get pregnant sooner than later and continue on the biopsy track for probably another two years while I gestate and nurse another baby, OR...do I put off my plans, have my thyroid out, and then work on getting pregnant?

Dammit, I want to have a baby sooner than later. But I don't know how I'm going to face having at least four more of those horrible biopsies. Damn, damn, damn. I guess that technically I already know what I should do, but it's hard to admit it. I should have the surgery, recover, and then try to have baby #2.

I don't like it.

Well, anyway, I guess the plan is to keep trying until I have another period. If I do have another period, then we'll stop and work on the thyroid stuff, and then pick up where we left off. Um. Maybe.

Here's to a new year filled with a little more peace and a little less indecision.

Whoot whoot, 2005!